need another drink. this is the easiest way
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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