when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
