Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
