Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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