You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
