lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
