The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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