you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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