My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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