I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
