He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
