i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
