Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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