what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i believe in u and ur pee
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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