she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
