I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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