I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
and you fell through a lawn chair
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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