This is not my ceiling
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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