I want to have your abortion
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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