so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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