Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
