Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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