Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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