Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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