I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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