His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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