Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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