you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
