Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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