I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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