Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
