I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
