Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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