And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
