you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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