East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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