I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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