My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
