I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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