Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
