There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We have started to decorate penises.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
