so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
