Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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