Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
