apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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