Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
