I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
