You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
