I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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