They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
