Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
