im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
