I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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