Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
