I puked a lego.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
