Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
