I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
