Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
