your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
