we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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